Portland Neighborhood Terrified By Residents Dressed Up As Normal Middle-Class Family | Babylon Bee

PORTLAND Unhinged terror has cast its evil shadow upon the quaint northern Portland neighborhood of Portsmouth in response to reports that several locals dressed up as a stable, happy, middle-class family.

“I get it. People love to be scary and provocative on Halloween but this is a bit much!” said concerned neighbor Charlene Jannifer, herself dressed as a queer transgender steampunk witch. “Like, no one wants to see that when they walk through the neighborhood. It’s disturbing.”

The Swarnson family, who moved into the neighborhood just a month ago, are reportedly confused by the strong reaction to their appearance.

“These aren’t costumes,” explained John Swarnson, the family’s self-identified patriarch. “We’re just a normal family. We don’t even celebrate Halloween.”

According to sources, neighbors are absolutely convinced that the Swarnson family’s insistence that they aren’t in costume is itself part of the costume–an elaborate form of method acting to help them stay immersed in the terrifying characters.

via babylonbee.com

Heh.